I had a strange time getting to work today. I always get on at the same spot when I take the train, so that when I hit my connection north, I am closer to the ascending stairs, and don't have to fight the crowd so much. Everyday it's the same thing, I can almost count the steps and actions with perfect accuracy, but today... something happened that left me completely disoriented.

I walked up the stairs, I got to the top and looked around. Everything felt off; the walls weren't the right shade of yellow, the cigarette shop wasn't where it should be, the signs all looked different more scuffed up and dirty.

I stood there for a moment confused. I assumed I had taken the wrong stairs, and immediately walked back down and started over. But I hadn't made a mistake- it was exactly the same stairs I had always taken. They did in fact lead to the correct platform- the one I take every single day of the week. I walked back up those same stairs and lo and behold... everything was right again. But, now I was suspiscious, like I couldn't trust what my eyes were seeing.

Maybe this is some kind of sign that I need start paying attention and stop taking my existence/my perceived reality for granted. Perhaps I need to be disoriented in order to tune in to my own senses. This was a moment of true clarity; I saw just how banal this bubble of my life has become.

I am shocked at my own complacency, my own willing submission to it.

I'm not going down like this. Somebody get me my sword...

I was...

I was thrown from the roof by love
Pushed out the window
Stabbed in my sleep

I was suffocated in the midst of love
Stained pillow held tight against my cheek
Infinite kiss on these dark
breathless lips

Out of the darkness I remember
Resounding sweetness I remember

For love has slain me a thousand times
And a thousand times again
Broken, beaten, and burned- yes
The last of my body consumed
As I cry out it's name

It's the sound of my own voice
The taste of my blood
That wills me ready to believe
Ready to die again
for love